Control freakiness

I have my systems. These systems are quasi-logical. Explaining them to others requires too great of an effort to ever be worthwhile.

Or at least that's one way I can describe my control freakiness. As long as I have or take responsibility and authority, I take (or try to take) control of my situation. I try to take control of all aspects of my situation. Because of this, I am unwilling to delegate work to others; inevitably, they will fail to fulfill my incommunicable vision and leave me resentful of their well-intended efforts (a resentment they probably do not deserve). I cannot rely on others to put in the effort I imagine I would put into the current project/process (it is not about the effort I would put in, but the one I think or hope I would put in; their actual effort would suffer a potentially lop-sided comparison with my effort fantasy).

This either contrasts with or explains part of why I also have a strong submissive side. If someone else claims overarching authority and responsibility, I am freed from having my vision and having to fulfill that vision on my own (due to my distrust of or disappointment at the efforts of others). There are situations where this won't do, such as when I establish my personal space (i.e. my bedroom), but my mother usually has strong enough opinions to enable this side of me.

Unfortunately, this conflict becomes infuriating when I am working for someone else and they have an unclear vision (or are unable to communicate it to me). I begin imagining how I would want the project done, a vision that may conflict with the vague vision of my taskmaster. This conflict builds resentment as I am likely to consider my vision more competent, more worthwhile than the vision of the other person.