Thoughts on March 22, 2005

Hoi there!

At times it feels like life is a frustrating train into ever-increasing nothingness (in other words, that life sometimes just seems to suck...in a white, middle-class, "oh-woe-is-me" angsty kind of way).

Currently I am procrastinating on the school work I should be doing, including multiple essays, readings, and presentations. I have procrastinated on much of it so far, while considering that most of my required work is due during the last week of school. Naturally, that means that the work is rolling into one heckuva (or helluva, if you prefer the "real spice") snowball, rapidly moving toward the target that is my head. I still do not know if I will a) dodge the snowball and make a remarkable turn toward proactivity; b) get hit squarely in the head and yet manage just fine because, hey, it's just snow; or c) have the snowball buddy up with my past concussion and conspire toward a nervous breakdown before the end of this spring.

In the past, it's largely been b) that has taken place, though I did break semi-down a few times during high school (for other reasons than school work though).

Ironically, while I feel paralyzed with regards to my school work, this blog is coming out quite fluidly. Part of it is the viciousness of combining procrastination with depression, which go way too good with each other. First, there is the procrastination, which prompts the putting off of necessary and required duties to the last minute. Second, once I have started putting the duties off, I start feeling guilty about it, and therefore start making (hollow) personal promises to recompensate for my procrastination by doing extraordinary work. Finally, the promises to do extraordinary work build up my expectation and my worry about my capabilities and I am doubly paralyzed (and monstrously stressed!).

I still do not know how to break this repetitive behavior.

In the meantime, I will finish making my Mac'n'Cheese dinner and enjoy it with some Buffy, and (please by all that is good and fluffy!) work on my school before going to bed.

Thank you, good night, and pleasant dreams (of all things kind, fluffy, and cookie-oriented) :-D

Nick :-)

Test blog

Hey there!

Just wanted to test this blogging tool for the time being. I have too much homework that I should be doing :-O

Hope anyone who reads this is doing okay and having a peachy day (the day down here may be peachy, but in that case it is a rainy peachy kind of day).

:-)