March blogging concludes

With this, I have reached the end of my project to blog a little each day of March. The entry lengths have varied a lot, though I'll have to do the word count tomorrow (I'm too tired now). It's been good, though as I have said before, I need to dedicate myself to more substantial entries. It may be difficult, but I want to produce more coherent writing, supported by facts and implications of research. It will be interesting.

Does a nation have the right to survive?

One of underlying questions in part of Battlestar Galactica is the question of whether the human race deserves to survive. The writers toy a bit with the question, which finds its most poignant point during the double assassination ploy by Commander Adama and Admiral Cain (the ploy is resolved by Adama's reflection on whether he or Cain deserves to survive/live on).

This question has applications outside of the BSG series though, one of which is whether any of our nations have a right to survive. Some nations, most notably Israel, vocally and regularly claim this right and that any and all necessary actions to ensure their survival is justified by this right. Other nations implicitly assume this right whether in protest to a broader identity (for example, Basque separatists in Spain or the United States' claims to international exceptionalism) or as a reasonable consequence of their nation's intrinsic value; it should be noted that this value is itself an assumption, and may in some cases only be substantiated within a limited array of perspectives.

When applied to nations rather than individual lifeforms, this question sets up other questions: does a nation truly live? does a nation have a lifespan outside of the humans who claim membership in it? can a nation survive without a population? how do we determine where, chronologically, one nation begins or ends?

Does your nation have a right to exist/survive?

From consumer to producer

One of my underlying (yet unfulfilled) desires is to move away from being simply a consumer to being a producer. I want to produce, whether writing or art, something that has value for others. I want to make something that has worthiness outside of me.

Yet...laziness and passivity and consumption beckon me. Even in just stepping out of the house, I feel the pull of the couch and computer. To produce, to be active, I must work against this part of myself. I must work in spite of myself.

Slob is me

I've been a real slob this last week and a half, leaving the kitchen perpetually messy (every bit of cleaning is made up for with more dirtied dishes, pots, and pans). I need to put on some Aqua and just get on with it. Being unable to use the sink properly because it's filled with stuff to be cleaned is simply stupid.

Steam of consciousness versus deliberative writing

Part of what makes this stream-of-consciousness blogging easier than more deliberative, purposeful posts is that the former is quick and demands little editing while the latter carries an expectation of review, cohesivenss, and coherency. I just write down the phrases that come to mind with only immediate revision. This sloppiness shows through my blogging posts this past month.

My goal is to breach once more into deliberative writing, writing with purpose and intent. I have been out of practice for several years now and I need to take more control over myself and over what I make time for in my life (these I largely make time for passivity, either absorbing inconsequential information online or playing video games for hours on end). One challenge I face in this is my reliance on routines and habits, both of which are easily disturbed by seemingly irrelevant changes in my environment (such as my parents visiting). I derail when up against only a little resistance and then spend too much time berating my derailment instead of getting back on track in some form. Being overly sensitive is a nuisance, and one that leads to ongoing frustration.

As for what I want to write about: I'd like to review and reflect on books I read, games I play, and movies I see. I'd like to comment on current events with reference to substantial sources of information. I want to express opinions with more than "I think that." I want to hone my writing and editing skills again and write for, at least partly, the purpose of creating something, something worth reading.

This experiment of blogging one post each day for the month of March has come along well enough. I have not yet missed any days, though the length and quality of the posts have varied significantly. For my future purposes, however, I may need to cut down on regularity in favor of improved quality. I'll see how I progress.

Sleep

I really need to write some posts earlier than my daily bedtime.

Only two more episodes of BSG left

My brother and I now only have two episodes of Battlestar Galactica left before we're finished with the re-imagined series. It's an enjoyable series with some noteworthy moments (SPOILER ALERT: Roslin's ultimate stance against the Zarek-Gaeta coup is a television gem; it made me wish they actually fought with the two ships for a bit, prior to Gaeta's tacit surrender). It's also a pleasant series in that it gets a proper ending (I read the wiki on it some years ago).

We're still aiming for Andromeda after BSG, though I'm also hankering for something that isn't science fiction. I can't think of any other suggestions at the moment. I'll look into the suggestions I got when I posted on Facebook after finishing Legend of the Seeker.

Age of Empires III preliminary

Why do real-time strategy developers remove features? One of my frustrations with Microsoft's Age of Empires III is that it lacks features I have gotten used to in other RTS game, specifically the unit orders to patrol, to defend (a unit or structure), and to move until a target for atttack is seen. These are seemingly simply orders for a game to have and provide a hint of tactics, yet AoE:III only has a move/attack order (if clicked on the ground, the unit moves; if clicked on a target, the unit attacks). This lack adds unpleasant stress as I have to continually move different groups of units with each other (I separate some units from others due to their long ranges as I don't want them to move up to close range with grouped close-range units).

Another feature I miss is the ability to steal/"convert" enemy units and buildings, a feature that hails back to the first Age of Empires. It's a fun ability as it opens for more variation in my building styles and units, so I don't understand why they removed it. They also neutered the ability to control game speed as the speed is set prior to starting a game, can't be changed during a game, and can't be changed at all for the single-player campaign.

The home city feature is fun and adds some customizability to the game, including the unnecessary, but slightly enjoyable decoration customization. As a whole, though, the game gives me pangs of missing Star Craft II.

A reminder to myself

Do not stay up playing computer games until four in the morning. It screws up your daily rhythm and disorients you by having you wake up after noon. It is unnecessary and detrimental.

Favorite function on new phone

I received a new cell phone from a couple of friends for my birthday last week. They felt I could use an upgrade as I've been using an old Nokia from 2001-2003.

While the phone has many functions that may be useful, I have one favorite: a separate button for the key lock. It's delightfully convenient to just press it whenever I want to lock the keypad and touch screen. I also enjoy how the keylock interacts with other functions, where it "saves" the current function so that it can be easily retrieved when I unlock the phone. This has proven very handy with regards to the camera, allowing me to quickly jump into photo-taking action whenever I want it.

Convenience is an enjoyable value.

Loosening one's reins

Do you allow ever yourself to loosen the reins you have on yourself and your surroundings?

While the eventual clean-up is a dampener, I regularly find myself putting some slack into my reins and allowing myself to "vege" out. I usually do it after a period of time where I have kept the reins tight and stressed, such as the preparations for and execution of a dinner party. I let myself go, taking little responsibility for the aftermath until I have been successfully lazy.

Another form of "vege"ing I do is the more continual disengagement from a room. I believe in having one room in one's house where it is permissible to let the room be messy in the long term. This room is a safety valve where the mental pressure of expectations and duty are steamed away in favor of contentment and enjoyment.

Lands of Lore 3's plot's weak point

While there is plenty to criticize in the game Lands of Lore 3, one of the plot's weakest points is the villain.

In the first LoL, the player is up against Scotia, a powerful, bitter witch who used to be your king's lover. in the second LoL, the player is up against Be'lial, an incarnated god who threatens the world with his inter-dimensional army and the use of ancient magics. Then, in the third LoL, the player is up against...the disgruntled butler of a side-character featured the past two games; this spectral butler is angered by his imminent dissolution (his master has decided to depart the world and to rid the world of all he has made) and inadvertently endangers the universe as a result of his hissy fit. As a side-quest, after you're done with the main quest, you also get to kill another nuisance character from the previous two games (who could be considered your king's butler).

Witch, god, butler. One of these does not fit with the others as examples of immediately interesting villains (unless you're looking for something avant garde). It is rarely fun if the butler "did it" in a realistic mystery, and it's a tall order to make the butler "doing it" into epic fantasy. Unfortunately, in the case of LoL, it's an order the writers failed to fulfill.

A new year

Today I begin my twenty-ninth year as a person. If this day was indicative of the year to come, then it will be a year filled with work (some done ahead of time, some done a bit late), play, gatherings with friends, and physical exhaustion. It will also include way more fat and sugar than my fair share.

Yeast problems of the baking kind

I dread recipes that call for yeast. Having the end result of my efforts depend on whether a colony of mushrooms thrives or not irks and worries me. Much like my control freak frustration in relation to other people, I am here irritated that my success is dependent on a factor I can only soothe and persuade, but not control.

However, if I want to become skilled in the kitchen, I will have to put myself out there and depend on this ingredient from time to time.

Luckily, today's yeast-baking project went well and I have made my first fully self-made bread (I've previously helped my grandmother bake bread, with her as the supervisor). It was a little underdone, though with a nice, crisp crust. I'll probably put it in the oven for a little after-baking tomorrow. Even so, it was tasty (and audibly moist) with butter and I have prepared a second dough for baking tomorrow.

Civilization IV (a computer game I love)

I still love Civilization IV. It's a wonderful turn-based strategy game with decent graphics, atmospheric music, and enjoyable gameplay. It has just the right amount of additions and editing to compete with my love for Civilization II.

Founding all of the world's religions (and having control over the income they generate through special buildings) is one of my favorite aspects. Too bad they removed it from Civilization V (which I have not yet tried or bought, partly due to its many negative reviews). Religion/philosophy is an integral part of human civilization, and, while I hadn't thought of it as a game mechanic in Civ's I-III, I have now grown attached to it and wish they had kept it in some form (maybe a hybridization between Civ IV's religion mechanic with Alpha Centauri's faction mechanic, which would have differentiated the religions game-wise and made them even more interesting).

The one major flaw it has, that I can think of at this moment, is the lack of a unit prototype mechanic. Alpha Centauri, another game I love, does a great job of allowing the player to customize units based off the the technology the player has gathered; the customization takes place through a prototype menu where the player can try out different chassis (frames), weapon and armor strengths, movement speeds, and special abilities and see how much each unit will cost to produce. It's similar to the unit customization menu in Master of Orion II, another great strategy game; it's odd and unfortunate that this gameplay mechanic seems to have been forgotten among game developers/producers.

Was it "meta"?

I have read that Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino bombed at the roast of Donald Trump (LA Times' review) and in reading a couple of his jokes, I have to wonder: was it all "meta"?

The joke relating Snoop Dog to Trump is just so ridiculously unfunny (not in the way of cultural-historical sensitivity, but in that the claimed connection doesn't make a lick of sense), so awful that I could do little but laugh at the idea that someone wrote it and thought that it was funny. Which brought the idea to my mind: is that bit, the laughter at the expense of the joke-writer, the real joke? Is this a kind Andy Kauffman, brought to stage via our resident medium, The Situation? Brilliance through put-upon stupidity?

...while this probably isn't the case, I'd like to think it is, if only because it makes the world a slightly better place (something our world could desperately use right about now).

PS: Could this have been some kind of hazing or cruelty toward him on the part of the writers (assuming he used a writer and didn't write them himself)?

PPS: I will golf-clap that he went through the material he had and stood by and through his humiliation. I imagine that in his "damned, I'm naked in front of all of these people!" nightmares, he has the cajones to not panic and instead just enjoy his self-exhibition.

An organized house is a pleasant house

I love organized houses and apartments. It may stem from whereever my sexuality stems (hey, I'm fulfilling a gay stereotype here) or it could stem from my need for control. Either way, I love living spaces that show thought and deliberate composition.

Interior decoration is an artform, where the decorator invokes and provokes responses through space, colors, and shapes (and smells, in some cases). It can be used in any number of ways to establish any number of feelings, from exhiliration, to kitsch, to revulsion. Granted, just living in a space and organizing furniture doesn't need to intend to trigger any kind of reaction; the tenant could just want things in a certain organization that he or she enjoys, without regard for others or what the room says about him or her. However, for many (including myself) there is value in setting up the room, coloring the room, placing the furniture, and editing over time. While I don't go so far as to adhere to any particular set of principles (such as Feng Shui), I do believe in some basic guidelines and prefer some over others.

One major guideline I believe is to continually edit a room and be willing to put stuff (pictures, glasses, vases, and more) in storage. If you have a lot of objects, then you probably use only some of them and retain the rest where it are out of habit, "just in case" you'll ever use them, or because you don't feel like packing it away. When I recently packed away several boxes of glasses from the family glass cabinet (which was overflowing with different sets, collectibles, and more), I began with glasses I could not recall had ever been used in twenty-odd years I remember living here; there was no good reason for them to take up space in the cabinet, which already had too many glasses we semi-regularly use when we host parties. I also packed away eleven boxes of books from the upper living-room, while still leaving all of the useful reference books. Just removing all of this over-abundance led to a fantastic result, with organized shelves, deliberately placed rather than bundled together knicknacks, and a glass cabinet that does not scream out with visual noise. Now the only glasses receiving attention are glasses specifically made for attention (these are glasses made by a local artist and family friend, Ingelil Mitchell).

Part of it is that, while we must allow ourselves to share our identity through our homes, we don't need to put it all out at once if we have a lot of stuff. There is a point where we go from establishing our identity to crowding out anyone else who enters; instead of being able to come in and see us, they are overwhelmed by the noise we put before them. It is by "slimming down" our array of immediately visible objects that we allow those objects to be truly seen and appreciated on their own. When they are all grouped together, they become a uniform visual mass which requires careful inspection for differentiation between the objects it contains.

The one who fought back

Earlier today (or yesterday) a kid named Casey was bullied (verbally abused and physically hit) by a kid named Richard. Casey snapped, slammed Richard to the ground, and then left the scene. Richard was certainly physically hurt (the Internet rumor mill says he either dislocated a shoulder or a knee); maybe he's learned the danger of being part of the shithead group of bullies. [post-script addition: Ideally, he'll learn "do no harm to others and no harm should be done to you; do harm to others and you put them in the right when they lay their hands on you"]

Casey could have done many worse things, including harming himself, venting himself on bystanders, or even killing somone. Casey stood up for himself without killing or permanently injuring anyone. Good for Casey.

The Facebook group in support of "Casey - The kid who had enough of being bullied"

Hellevik (2002) - Chapter two

Control questions:
Choose an empirical question and draft how you might want to research it.
Research question: "Were the demonstrations in Egypt that led to the end of Hosni Mubarak's regime inspired primarily by the desire for democratization and civil liberties?"

To research this question, I'd first have to consider one of the major alternate hypotheses for the uprising, that the demonstrations were largely a response to the lopsided and struggling Egyptian economy with a large section of unemployed youth. Because this hypothesis carries significant weight as a counterpoint to the idea that the demonstrations were inspired by concerns of civil liberties, I would almost have to include questions relating to it as research control questions.

I might want to take statistical surveys of the Egyptian (particular Cairo's) population to get an overview over how many (report that they) took part in the demonstration and then check the answers of that subsection on questions of primary, secondary, and tertiary concerns, employment, education, age, socio-economic status, and political ideology (which would have to be split up in questions regarding opinions on democratic and civil rights and their importance). I might also want to study the demonstrators' leadership, either through interviews or document analysis of speeches given during the demonstration, as well as research on the backgrounds of the leadership figures as their motivations could be different than the demonstrations at large.

I would need theory regarding mass movements, particularly movements against the reigning authorities. This would be a case study, and I would have to look at other case studies on similar movements, both ones where civil liberties were at the forefront and ones where economics were the main concern (and cases where the distinction is up for debate). My immediate idea is to look to economic examples in South America, where a number of countries maintained dictatorships until they failed their populations economically, and for civil liberty examples in European post-Soviet states. Which cases does the Egyptian case bear most similarities to?

What main phases can a research project be divided into?
A research project can be divided into three broad phases and eight specific phases.
The first broad phase is the Design phase. During this phase, the researcher comes up with or explores the potential research question (spec. phase 1/8) and determines the scope of the project with regards to units and details (spec. phase 2/8).

The second broad phase is the Implementation phase. During this phase, the researcher chooses what data to seek out (spec. phase 3/8) in accordance to the scope of the project, gathers the data (spec. phase 4/8), treats the data (spec. phase 5/8), analyzes the data for patterns (spec. phase 6/8).

The third broad phase is the Reflection phase. During this phase, the researcher interprets the results (spec. phase 7/8) of the analysis and then discusses how this interpretation is a substantial interpretation with a basis in pre-existing theory and research, as well as what this interpretation implies for future studies on the specific subject and and related subjects (spec. phase 8/8).

Can you find examples of choices made in one phase that limits the available options later in a research project?
The choice of data, followed by the gathering of data, will limit the researcher's possibilities down the line. If the researcher later comes up with other variables or additional research units that would add to the quality of the project, it may not be feasible to re-gather the newly interesting data; even if it is feasible, the new data may not be comparable with the data that's been previously gathered (or would otherwise have to be addressed, even if the old data is scrapped in favor of the new data).

Vocabulary
Phases in the research process - in the research process there are three main/broader phases, which consist of eight smaller phases; I have listed and briefly described them above

Research question - the question a researcher wants to answer based off of empirical data, preferably leading to a substantial conclusion

Research design - generally: the overall plan for the research project, beginning with whether it will rely on quantitative or qualitative data, whether it aims to be explorative, descriptive, or explanatory, and an outline of the first phases of the research process; specifically: the scope of the research project

Choice of data - what kind of empirical data will the research project use and what units and variables are applicable/desirable for answering the research question

Collection of data - how the data will be gathered, what if the methods for gathering the data affects the data

Treatment of data - how the data will be coded and used and whether some data will be modified from its original form (such as merging specific categories into general categories)

Analysis - how the data patterns will be read

Interpretation - how the observed data patterns will be understood and what theoretic and substantial basis does the researcher have for that/those understanding(s)

Reporting - how the interpretation will be presented, how it affects the field of related research, and what opportunities it presents for further and future research

Project plan - the concrete plan for each phase of the research project

Roleplaying preparations (Exalted)

In addition to preparing myself for (what I hope will be) my school attendance this Autumn, I'm also preparing myself for the possibility of trying out a roleplaying system I have not yet played.

White Wolf's Exalted roleplaying game is an animé-, Far East mythology-, and wuxia-inspired rules-system where player characters start off and remain powerful figures compared to the vast majority of mortals. The basics of the system itself and the feel of it are similar to White Wolf's World of Darkness system, where players generally also play characters (vampires, werewolves, and other supernatural creatures) that are significantly more powerful than the people around them. However, the atmosphere of Exalted is much brighter than the WoD systems and is more heroically inclined (though with classical heroic tragic flaws).

Because I haven't played it before and don't have anyone in my immediate area who has played it (I have some friends who meet at the university who have played it, but I haven't met with them in months), I am trying to really learn the ruleset on my own. To do so, I am using a technique similar to the one I'm using for my academic studies; in effect, I am studying Exalted as a game and setting. The "technique" is pretty much detailed reading combined with outlining/note-taking.

It's actually a nice change-of-pace from the more casual and incidental reading I usually do when checking out roleplaying rules and materials. I am making sure I pick up the details of the game's structure, which will be useful should I ever play it as a player or run it as a "Storyteller" (White Wolf's designation for the game referee). It will also help me in teaching others how to play it should that become a possibility.

I don't know whether I will have use for it, other than as an exercise (one that's more pleasurable than studying and note-taking on research methodologies). Even so, it's a habit I enjoy trying out.

More comments on Battlestar Galactica

Some comments I've made on Facebook regarding Battlestar Galactica, a continuation on what I said in the previous post (When TV shows go bad):

One of the plot twists that really bothers me is how Nualla suddenly falls in love with Apollo, pretty much cheats on and dumps Billy the Cutie, and then gets over Billy's death-by-shot-to-arm-and-shoulder and hooks up with survived-a-gunshot-through-my-left-lung Apollo within a month. She goes from adorable sweetheart to "You bitch!" in a handful of episodes.

To me the difference was, at least in terms of the callgirl episode, too striking. It made me think that a space noir series would be cool (along the lines of the Tex Murphy game series; oh, how I love Under a Killing Moon), but also that it really didn't fit with what had already been established in the series. It made the fleet feel more like a gritty city and the President feel like the Mayor (with Admiral Adama as the Chief of Police/Commissioner) rather than the last hope of humanity.

I think I would have enjoyed the branching into space noir more if they introduced a new character or highlighted a regular extra as the detective. Giving Apollo that role felt awkward. If it had been someone new, it would have introduced a new archetype into the series that could be called on in future episodes (an inquisitor or independent investigator).

I would have preferred the Scar side-story if Scar's legend had built itself in front of the viewers over a couple or a few episodes. His sudden legend felt shoehorned into Kara's character-development episode.

When TV shows go bad

What do you do when a TV show you're enjoying takes a turn for the worse? Do you stick with it to bitter end? Give it a shot till the end of the season? Half-assedly watch it while checking out other programming? Check out the story development/reviews before investing more time? Dump it?

I have dumped a few shows that I've invested myself into. I quit Lost shortly after the second season convinced me that the writers had no plan for the show and were just bullsh*tting as they went along. I refused to watch any more Dexter after its terrible first few episodes of the fifth season due to the de facto retconning of the series. I gave up Avatar: The Last Airbender after a handful of episodes (I'm considering checking out a few more, if just to see if there are any ideas worth salvaging from it for my creative side). I wouldn't have followed along with Heroes after the first episode if I hadn't received the first two seasons on DVD (unlike many others, I thought the show was a mess beginning with its very first episode).

Part of the difficulty with TV shows is that they seem to be usually intended to last for as long as they remain more worthwhile for their producers than the expected returns of another show. The show's makers also face a potential conflict-of-interest between a possible desire to write a well-written show, the desire for a return on their production and an income for themselves and everyone involved, and the demands of the show's producers and distributors (as well as standard practices regarding season lengths, episode lengths, and appealing to casual viewers).

These days, my brother and I are watching the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica [SPOILER ALERT}. We're on the second season and just finished up an arc of bad episodes, beginning with the out-of-the-blue attempt at space noir with "Detective" Adama, followed by Starbuck's oh-I-really-do-love-that-possibly-dead-guy crisis (these two episodes are also marred by flashback narratives), then the atrocious Billy-must-die-so-Nualla-and-Apollo-can-hook-up episode, and concluded with the incompetent-new-commander-must-make-grave-mistake-then-die-in-self-sacrifice-rather-than-face-court-martial episode. They were just wretched and none of them have a lasting emotional impact other than the urgent desire to wash them from memory. They also reek of filler material, prompting my brother to wonder whether they're result of the lengthened season (Season One consists of thirteen episodes while Season Two consists of twenty episodes).

We will still watch, at least through Season Two. We'll probably continue with the rest, assuming that this Arc of Awfulness is an exception rather than a new rule for the BSG series.

Hellevik (2002) - Chapter one

Control questions:

• Give examples of empirical questions you would be interested in finding answers for.

Do inmates of privatized prisons have a higher recidivism rate than inmates of publicly-driven prisons?
Do states with legalized same-sex marriage have higher divorce rates among their heterosexual marriages than states that do not feature legalized same-sex marriage?
Would the United States' Social Security program have retained solvency if its surplus had been invested into a sovereign wealth fund?
Is same-sex marriage/equal marriage implicitly guaranteed by the United States' federal constitution?
Are infection rates of sexually transmitted diseases higher in states that mandate either abstinence-only sex education or emphasis on abstinence as part of their sex education than in states that do not include such a mandate?


• What are the central tenets for empirical research?

The research should correspond to reality; while an emphasis on research's correspondance with the material reality might not always be in vogue, it is currently in fashion and serves the purpose of affecting change in our real condition.
The research should be meticulous in its use of data, with the researcher taking care to seek valid/sustainable (repeatable) conclusions, that the conclusions follow from the research and that the research corresponds to real conditions.
The researcher should take care to not cloud the research with prejudice or predetermined desires for particular results or conclusions.
The research should add to the cumulative body of empirical research, drawing on and either supporting or detracting from general social theory.
[the ones I forgot]
The research should draw on a systematic (non-arbitrary) choosing of data.
The research conclusions should be presented so as to allow external control, checking, and critiques.


• Find examples of questionable presentation of opinion polls in media.

In general, political pundits and media personalities abuse approval and disproval polls; they take polls and tack on a explanation without accounting for the explanation without presenting any kind of research to back up the story. Their explanation inevitably backs up their preconceptions of what the poll's population should think. These preconceptions do not necessarily stem from the reporters' own political biases; they may instead stem from predominant socio-political narratives.
Specific examples of this can be found in the United States, where the predominant narrative is to assume that the US is a centre-right nation, that persons not affiliated with either of the two major political parties (signified with the term "Independents") desire moderation and compromise over political decisiveness, and that the two major political parties, the Democratic Party and the Republican Party, represent the two edges of political spectrum, left and right, respectively. This narrative colors the interpretation of polls in the mainstream media and is frequently referred to without questioning its assumptions.


• In what ways do you think you will have use for an understanding of research methodology?

The most immediate way I will use for this understanding is for my classes. Understanding (at least the basics of) research methodology will allow me to properly formulate my research papers, make informed judgments on the research material I choose to use, and critically review my own work as well as the work of my classmates. It will also help in my review of the curriculum and my evaluations of what parts of the curriculum readings provide the more cogent points/perspectives.
I may also have use for it in future work opportunities, where I may have to perform research or evaluate options for myself, my work, or my exployer.
It could also be useful when choosing who I will vote for, reflecting on why I want to vote for a particular candidate, and receiving reports on how elected politicians (both the ones I vote for and the ones I don't vote for) are performing.
Should I choose to have children, this understanding will also be useful when explaining the world to them and backing up my explanation with durable proof.

Vocabulary
Empirical data - data/information that corresponds to our shared material / social reality

Methodology - means of how a researcher can collect, treat, and analyze data

Quantitative methods - means of research that primarily systematically gathers comparable data on multiple research subjects of a certain kind, then expresses these data in through numbers, and then finally analyze patterns within the numbers

Qualitative methods - means of research where the researcher embeds herself/himself into and conceives of a pattern through a multitude of sensory impulses

Truth criteria - the means by which the researcher decides what is true or accurate for the research; these will not necessarily hold empiricism as the primary truth and instead hold philosophical, moral, or social values as the primary truth (for example, that all humans are created equal)

Checking - the means by which researchers (both the original and external) validate or invalidate the research's consclusions

Cumulative research - an effort by researchers to build upon each other's research, enabling further specification and continued validity for the research that passes external checks

Worrying and hoping

It's nice having something to look forward to. Reapplying for school gives me a sense of purpose that it lacked both previous times. I hope this new sense is a good omen for the months to come; I don't need further obstacles to block the path between myself and my desires. It would also be nice to be successful at school again; it's been years since I last felt I had real control over my academic career.

I fear one problem though: will I be able to return to school? Specifically, will I be re-admitted to the program I failed and left? I don't know what the Political Science's re-admittance protocol is like or if there are any problems given my prior academic history with the department. I would like to re-take the courses I took yet did not complete the last time I attended the university.

Whatever I do in terms of this research, I must make sure to apply within the deadline. At some point, the application will be out of my hands and all I can do will be to hope.

Some intended upcoming posts

As I prepare myself for my return to academia, I will be reading and re-reading course material so that I have a running start. As part of my reading and notetaking, I am thinking of posting my notes on this blog; the idea is that this will push me toward rethinking about and rewriting the course readings in order to explain them as best I can to any potential readers of this blog. A secondary idea is that my paraphrasing and summarizations could be of use to readers who have not taken the courses I am going to take.

I am starting off my re-education with Ottar Hellevik's Research Methodology in Sociology and Political Science. It is thus far an overview of types of research methodologies, broadly separated into quantitative (number-based, "hard" data) methodologies and qualitative (person/narrative-based, "soft" data) methodologies; the book will focus on the former methodologies and include statistical analysis. The information itself is useful outside of school as it enables a student to critically analyze the everyday data we so often accept without further review.

***
Beyond these practice summaries, there are other topics I'd like to explore. I'll list some, if only just to be able to refer back to this list should I ever draw a blank on what I should blog about.

• further discussion on Libya, in light of the recent setbacks for the Revolutionaries


• my rational preference for civilian structure in light of now regularly watching Battlestar Galactica


• space opera and the overabundance of space shows focused on military characters and situations rather than civilian space drama


• frustrations as a USAmerican voter over the lack of guts and vision within the party that's closer to my political perspective


• fictional characters, situations, and settings I'd like to explore through fiction

If you have any topics you'd like for me take on and discuss, let me know either on here or via Facebook.

New direction in my life

I am working on a significant decision these days and realigning my life's aim. On my own, in response to my current situation, I have made the decision to re-apply for school. This will be my third attempt at graduate school, but the first time I decide on it on of my free and open will. The first attempt was simply timely filler to attend to while looking out for my brother while he went for his Bachelor's degree. The second attempt was a misguided effort following my first job and following the directions of both my former employer and my mother.

One major drive is that for years, I have been ashamed of my failure at graduate school. This shame is not simply a defeat, but a response deeply rooted in who I am and how I identify myself. School, learning, and curiosity are my life. Yes, I have a satisfactory personal life outside of school, but gawds how I love the information management within school. Reading, responding, and creating are among the activities I do best.

My failure at these is rooted in multiple sources, including being raped, being insecure, and being genuinely inexperienced. These latter two sources were compounded with my desire for delivering what would be, in my opinion, beautiful work, leading to perfectionist mental crisis where I could idealize, but not realize, any real work. The first mentioned source brought a violent end to my belief in the worthwhileness of effort; it made me forcibly realize that no matter what good I did, someone else could always take it from me or even end me if they so wished. This realization proved dangerous to my sense of self and in a misguided attempt at protecting myself, I let myself and my work go; I let school, my results, not matter. Of all my apparent choices at the time, this may have been the best choice, however misguided it was; it allowed me to work through and deal with my trauma rather than post-pone it, something I feared would have had more explosive consequences given my creative side's partiality toward homicide as a means of drastic change.

Because of my shame, I have been unwilling to confess or share the absolute shittiness of my academic record since January 2005 with anyone. I have not told the extent of it to anyone and remain disinclined toward doing so even now. It is my burden, it is my problem, and I am the one who needs to fix it and myself.

***
My recent resurgence on this blog with daily entries thus far this month is part of my effort toward regaining my academic self. Here I now write with the goals of coherent writing and a daily average amount of words, in preparation of writing, completing, and handing in papers when I return to school. The blog is also public and, though few will read it, it is open (or I think it is open) to comments and judgments from whoever cares to provide them. I am freeing myself to writing publicly, a most necessary skill when writing as part of a class setting.

Desire, obstacles, and suffering

It is not desire that brings suffering, but rather the distance between our present condition and our desired condition that causes our suffering. This is why sudden obstacles so easily bring us down; the new obstacles increase the apparent and/or real distance we need to cross before we achieve our desire and prolong our apparent/real suffering. The most productive way we can deal with these obstacles is by making sure that they are real obstacles (rather than merely the appearance of such) and by working out how we can most efficiently deal with them, shortening whatever distances they have added between us and our goals.

The US and Libya

Libya's revolution has hit a significant obstacle in Gadhafi and his loyalists, who will seemingly not shy away from any available means for retaking control of what they deem their personal fiefdom. If the rumors and reports are to be believed, he and his coterie are using the state military to outright (as opposed to indirectly and involuntarily) attack the Libyan population as both a show of might and as a source of deterioration and attition of the revoutionary leadership. Mass violence, summary executions, and the use of human shields are some the examples being reported abroad.

Invoking the ideal of the United States as vanguard and protector of human liberty, some now call on the US to take action in Libya. While similar calls were made during Egypt's uprising against its former dictator Hosni Mubarak, the calls have intensified in magnitude and intensity due to the extensive state terrorism and repression in Libya by the Gadhafi regime. However, much as I love the idea of humanity rising in unity against tyranny, I believe the US should restrain itself and not invade Libya (at least not yet), even if it came with the authorization of the UN Security Council or NATO.

This moment, this struggle, belongs to the Libyan people. It is their fight. They are the protagonists in this current story. Our role should be and should remain that of support in favor of the factions supporting greater socio-economic and political liberty; we should provide humanitarian assistance, material support, moral and ideological support, and possibly tactical input, but we should not lead the charge against their oppressor. If we take leadership in the war itself, we morally obligate ourselves to take leadership after the war; we should avoid both, for the sake of our own limited resources and to prevent any post-war dependencies that would hinder (a hopefully liberated) Libya from becoming and independent nation-state.

There are limits to this deference, of course; should the Gadhafi regime take on monstrous counter-measures (not simply executions, but mass genocide) we have obligated ourselves by our unfortunately-often-broken promise of "never again." In this hypothetical case, inaction would stop being prudence in favor of the Libyan people and instead become passive complicitness with the regime.

Another potentially necessary condition for US intervention is for some recognizable organization among the revolutionaries to explicitly request US/international assistance. Simply assuming such an interest or intervening in response to the calls of the group with little legitimacy provides too little legitimacy to the idea that it is the Libyan people that want the US there for protect them from an unwanted dictator. If the US is to invade and intervene, it must first secure a degree of recognizable credibility with the Libyan people. Until then it should continue its efforts to support the refugee population and to provide the revolutionaries with material and moral support (as long as they fight for liberalizaton of the people and their system).

While we should be willing and preferably always be able to assist fellow humans in the cause of civil freedoms, we must always temper ourselves and our actions both so that we do not coup a movement that belongs to the true revolutionaries and so that we do not take on the world's problems instead of dealing with our own. Part of the liberal democratic nation-state is the domestic movement to end authoritarianism and install democraticism.

International Women's Day

Today is/was International Women's Day, a day dedicated to recognizing women's struggle for opportunities and acknowledgments equal to those of men. As with most, if not all, minority groups, women suffer from unequal opportunities and recognition due to a chauvinistic and self-important worldview by the majority group (in this case, men of all nationalities, religions, and philosophies).

The most striking feature of this disparity is the violence women suffer at the hands and dictates of men who presume ownership over them. These men seek to numb women to their personhood, making women into objects they can possess rather than respect. They assume that women exist to serve men and that this service entitles men to do with women as they please. In doing so, they reveal their immaturity as human beings: disrespecting women and failing to acknowledge and entitle women with the full vestments of human individualism hurts not only the women, but the men, the children, and the society at large. A nation that subjugates its women fails to fulfill its social, economic, and technological potential, regardless of how strong it is while artifically limiting half of its potential workforce.

The second and more insidious feature of this disparity is the paternalism women suffer at actions of "concerned" father figures. These men seek to control women under the guise of protecting women. They do this by establishing social norms and passing laws that limit women freedoms; examples include the purdah, a code wherein women are not allowed to leave the household without the accompaniment of a male relative, and restrictions on abortion argued on the basis that women can't or shouldn't have to be able to (due to potential emotional distress) choose whether to end their pregnancies. They claim that women (adult females) are ultimately fragile creatures that must be protected from the harshness of the world, particularly other men (while never questioning whether they themselves are the men women should be getting the Hell away from); in reality, this feature is sexual fascism in the name of chivalry. And, dear readers, Father Fascist does not know best, either for himself or others.

There are many other, more specific ways men (and their women supporters; many women are heavily invested in the rule of men over women) subjugate and diminish women. However, most of these means come back to men either claiming ownership of women or claiming to know what is best for women (regardless of the input of women). Unfortunately, we cannot simply rely on others to improve the situation and ensure the full and equal participation and recognition of all humans; even the liberal fantasy of our ancestors that full legal equality would lead to equal social equilibrium has shown itself to be wrong.

To establish and ensure equality we must speak, we must act, and we must remain.

Questions for Rumsfeld

My questions for former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld (suggested on the comments section of Piers Morgan Tonight's Facebook posting for the interview):

1. Why did the Bush administration continue to press the idea that Hussein was stockpiling weapons of mass destruction when the Chief UN Weapons Inspector Hans Blix continued to show and rightly express that Hussein had no such weapons (and when the administration itself knew it had no substantive proof, only its [incorrect] gut feeling)?

2. What vision does he have for the United States and how did he work toward achieving that vision during his time within the Bush administration? How has he worked toward it since his (forced) resignation from the administration?

3. Does he see no threat toward American civil liberties in the security theater he helped establish?

4. What is the point of "saving" our civil liberties (our "freedoms") if we must give them up for an indeterminate future? How did Al-Qaeda threaten our civil liberties, with exception of the freedom of live?

Annexing my father's office

It has been about three weeks since I claimed my father's office as my new bedroom. I claimed it because my then-bedroom was the crappiest room in the house: it's the smallest room (barring my parents' bathroom) and it's tucked away in the basement, right by the entry to the garage. I've dubbed it the Cinderella room.

Unlike Cinderella, I was not content with simply doing my duties and hoping for an eventual improvement. I could also justify claiming my father's office as he himself just used it as a dumping ground for his stuff and let it look awful on a regular basis (this was a problem as the room is right next to the main entrance and is highly visible to guests that drop in for a visit). The big challenges were getting his office furniture out of the room, installing my "new" bed (a queen-size bed I hadn't used in years because my then-bedroom was too small), and setting up the treadmill next to the bed.

I was fortunate in not knowing how much worse it would be once I got the detail work. The initial claiming of the room and moving in the major furniture pieces were fairly easy compared to my current mass-sortation. In taking over my father's area, I think it's only right that I fully extract myself from what will now be his new office. However, this requires much more organizing than I originally thought. It's one thing to move and place a single, large piece of equipment/furniture and a completely other to go through mixed papers, books, drawer contents, and knick-knacks, sort them, and then pack them or place them throughout the room in a sensible manner. Currently I have some significant piles I need to go through as well as boxes filled with a variety of stuff I will not throw away.

Dealing with my stuff is a confrontation I'd enjoy to not have. It would be (or I fantasize that it would be) delightful to slim down my own room as I have done elsewhere in the house; there I packed much in boxes and set them out for storage. I do not have the same luxury in this case.

Control freakiness

I have my systems. These systems are quasi-logical. Explaining them to others requires too great of an effort to ever be worthwhile.

Or at least that's one way I can describe my control freakiness. As long as I have or take responsibility and authority, I take (or try to take) control of my situation. I try to take control of all aspects of my situation. Because of this, I am unwilling to delegate work to others; inevitably, they will fail to fulfill my incommunicable vision and leave me resentful of their well-intended efforts (a resentment they probably do not deserve). I cannot rely on others to put in the effort I imagine I would put into the current project/process (it is not about the effort I would put in, but the one I think or hope I would put in; their actual effort would suffer a potentially lop-sided comparison with my effort fantasy).

This either contrasts with or explains part of why I also have a strong submissive side. If someone else claims overarching authority and responsibility, I am freed from having my vision and having to fulfill that vision on my own (due to my distrust of or disappointment at the efforts of others). There are situations where this won't do, such as when I establish my personal space (i.e. my bedroom), but my mother usually has strong enough opinions to enable this side of me.

Unfortunately, this conflict becomes infuriating when I am working for someone else and they have an unclear vision (or are unable to communicate it to me). I begin imagining how I would want the project done, a vision that may conflict with the vague vision of my taskmaster. This conflict builds resentment as I am likely to consider my vision more competent, more worthwhile than the vision of the other person.

White space

Have you ever noticed how white space causes your mind to go blank, completely devoid of definable thought? It as if the mental mirroring we experience when reading occurs even when there's nothing to read; instead of reflecting text, we reflect the void.

Alternatively, we could call it a figurative version of snow blindness. Or is it a literal version? Does textual white space trigger the same or similar functions vast amounts snow trigger?

re: Entitlement theory

This is in response to Biff Boswell's request for input regarding his class assignment to come up with a new criminological theory/hypothesis.

Your Entitlement hypothesis (it has to be tested before getting dubbed a theory) proposes that people or some people engage in criminal behavior due to a perception that they are entitled to certain rights, privileges, or property. The criminal behavior consists of taking or claiming these entitlements by force. This is a subset of Social Learning Theory/Differential Association Theory (Sutherland), the overarching theory that criminal behavior is learned (as opposed to being biologically or psychologically innate, a series of rational choices, innevitable class conflict, or a response to social control).

Some input:

What is your definition of force (physical, psychological, economic, social)?

An important distinction you need to make is whether the "entitlement" is socially valid; for example, if regulating authorities shut down your Internet presence, would your sense of injustice fall into this category of entitlement? Are all assumed rights and privileges entitlements?

When is the protesting group criminal and when is the authority that provokes the group criminal (as the authority sees itself entitled to remove rights, privileges, and property)? Do authorities have responsibilities in terms of their agreements with the non-authorities/people?

For your examples of your Entitlement hypothesis, you write Greece, the UK, and Wisconsin. What parts of these three are you thinking of, specfically?

Does your hypothesis consider all protests criminal? Are there any forms of non-criminal protest given your hypothesis?

Can any rights or privileges be assumed, or is claiming any by force a criminal action (the latter would put any forceful civil liberties movement, including the American Revolution, into the criminal category)?

More fitness blagging

I phrased myself poorly in the last entry. "Going against the grain" is an overly indulgent phrase, one that invokes the image of the heroic figure standing up against waves of opposition. My current approach to fitness, KIRS (Keep It Reasonably Simple), has no real opponents; all it can come up against is that other people probably favor their own approaches (whether by merits of simplicity or merits of complexity). It is my job to develop an approach that fits my goals and that is sound enough that I do not abandon it at the slightest critique.

Fat loss is but part of my goal. I train with weights because the physique I desire requires them. Imagewise, I'm aiming for more of a Men's Health build than a Runner's Digest build. I don't want to be thin; I was thin for about twenty years of my life (until I experienced regular visits to the university's buffet-style cafeteria) and I want something else for my current and future self.

I am trying out different approaches (as mentioned in the previous entry: weight training, cardio, and judo strikes) and will see where they lead me and how I respond to them.

***
While the idea of simplifying my workout has been with me for some time, it really struck me a couple of months ago when I met a former colleague on the way to town. He is a well-built fellow, muscled and well-proportioned. We talked about his interest to become a personal trainer and during our conversation I brought up the amount of fitness/exercise reading material I've collected over the years. He responded that he had none.

It's like some cartoon where the contrast invokes an ironic humor: Guy A, who is not well-built yet has (and has read) loads of fitness reading material, meets with Guy B, who is very well-built and yet has little if any fitness reading material.

This encounter hammered in the point: sculpting one's body is about physical effort over time, not voracious and minute study. I already knew this, but in some way I didn't "know" this; something had to click, and this release of "Oh f*ck, have I ever gone about this the wrong way..." brought that click.

That's the gist of what I have to say to over-thinkers who preempt themselves from exercise due to the vast amount of info they think need to consider: ignore most of it and just get on with some kind of physical activity. Ignore concerns about the "maximum weight" you can lift and of being in "the zone" heart rate. Learn the basics and enough to avoid injury and from there on take in only as much as you find use for.

***
For lazibones, I recommend setting up a workout area that is close to or fully dedcated to fitness equipment in your apartment/house. Of course, you must adapt your approach to yourself; for example, if you're only interested in working out while at a gym/fitness center, then a home gym may not be worthwhile for you.

For me, it is important that I minimize the obstacles I face between my desire to work out and my ability to work out. Not all parts of the house are suited for setting up a bench and using weights and I'd rather not add mental stress and frustration to the pains of exercise. This can be difficult at times because I live with other people and must take them into concern when setting out to exercise. This is why I must take advantage of the current days/weeks/months when both of my parents are abroad and I gain that much more authority and freedom within the house.

Current efforts toward fitness

I started my latest effort toward fitness two weeks ago. I had taken over my father's office and converted into my new bedroom. About a third of my bedroom is dedicated to the family treadmill. With the extraordinary convenience of having it in my room, I began using it every morning prior to taking the day's shower. Thanks to the calorie monitor, I aimed at burning 250 kcal each morning so that I would add a pound of fat's worth of calories (3,500 kcal) to my calorie deficit every two weeks (with the potential to increase my daily goal over time to burn more, quicker).

After a week of dedication on my part, the treadmill stopped working properly. The belt stops once weight is put on it, such as standing on it. Once it has started going it will arbitrarily stop in response to weight, throwing me off-balance. While this is mostly a nuisance at two to three miles per hour, it is potentially hazardous at six mph. Searches online suggest that either the belt needs tightening or the motor might need to be replaced (which isn't feasible for a treadmill that's no longer produced from what I gathered).

After much cursing and bemoaning cruel fate in response to this problem of luxury (luksusproblem), I moved on to weight training and using the treadmill without power. Without power, the treadmill becomes a pushing exercise machine where I push against the handles while walking. This provides a surprisingly intense calf and cardiovascular workout, with five minutes of it wearing me out far more than a thirty minutes on a powered treadmill (I went for six minutes last time and lay down on my bed afterward for fear of fainting due to shortness of breath). I just had a new idea: pulling on the handles while walking backwards to provide a pulling exercise. If nothing else, it will prepare me for building a pyramid in the Post-apocalyptic period.

It's score one for environmentalism: treadmills are more efficient without electrical power.

With regard to weightlifting, I was recently fortunate enough to receive a foldable incline/decline bench from a friend who had stopped using it. I store it right up to the treadmill (which is also foldable) and have enough space in my room to use it for most exercises (with the notable exception of dumbbell flys, which require too great a wingspan and must therefore be done in the hallway).

I am not following a particular program. Instead, I rely primarily on what exercises I am familiar with and aim at targeting most of the major muscles; for the muscles I fail to target with what I previously know, I pick individual exercises that are convenient and easy to learn from books I have. I work out with a basic structure of three sets of ten repetitions at the same weight for each set (though not the same weight for each exercise; my weak points, such as lateral and front raises and forearm curls, require lighter weights).

I still hate, hate, hate using a chin-up bar. I am considering padding it to stop it from being so torturous against my delicate palms.

I also supplement my weight training and cardio madness with strikes and kicks from Jigoro Kano's Kodokan Judo. To combat soreness, I take a whey shake and a creatine shake each day. I still detest the taste of whey, though near-daily use of it has inured me to its taste (my creatine supplement tastes like Kool-Aid with grit).

Contrary to popular hype, my exercising does not leave me invigorated. I have much less energy throughout the day due to my expenditure when I exercise and my residual soreness in the days after exercise. Maybe, in the long-term, I will experience a net gain in my sense of my daily energy (I started feeling some giddiness earlier today). It will be interesting to see and experience this down the line.

It's getting late here, so I will end it on that note. This still leaves my thoughts on how I am going against the grain for my own goals as well as my ideas for how other over-thinkers and lazibones can get on with their own systems of exercise in spite of themselves. It will have to be next time.

Adding fitness in my life

I've had an on/off relationship with fitness for the last nine years of my life, where I either have some form of fitness/exercise program going on or I don't and wish I did. The first real effort I put into exercise was occasionally going to the gym with mother and brother on Key Biscayne, followed by enrolling in judo classes at the university in the Autumn of 2002. At the time I was eighteen or nineteen years old. I suspect that the major catalyst for my sudden interest for fitness was my coming to terms with myself as a gay man and recognizing that my interests in the male body (those of others as well as my own) were healthy and worthwhile. I no longer had to agonize over my enjoyment of it and could instead embrace it, figuratively and literally.

Prior to this, I had an active disinterest in sports. I was determined to not like them, partly due to childish arrogance, a much greater interest for creative and imaginative hobbies (including video and computer games), and a sense of disappointment with my father's failed efforts to engage my brother and myself in sports (failed due to his mercurial manic-depression, where he'd initiate a sports project and then withdraw from it). I enjoyed semi-sports with friends (playing for the social and gaming aspects rather than athleticism), but I did not have the drive or desire to join a children's sports team. I also enjoyed playing sports digitally, whether it was baseball, soccer, or tennis. Digital sports have a significant advantage over real-life sports in having everything ready for you at the push of a button. At no point did I have to look for the necessary equipment, check whether the equipment needed maintenance, get ahold of friends, and get myself somewhere else to play the particular sport (all of which also depends on how fair the weather is at the time); everything was conveniently available to me in box that required little maintenance, little space, and few weather-related limits (the one limit being lightning storms).

It didn't help that some of my physical education teachers were distant (or at least seemed like they were in my hindsight). From what I recall, I believe their focus was on the students who were already good at athletics rather than getting the group as a whole or on improving the weaker elements. Of course, this may just be a self-serving hindsight narrative that I am unable to disregard due to a lack of specific, positive memories in relation to gym class.

This speaks in part to my goals with fitness. With the exception of hypothetical emergency or apocalyptic/post-apocalyptic situations, I care little about my athleticism and how fast I run some specified distance. For me fitness is about looks, about vanity, and the desire to "feel like a million bucks" (a phrase that sounds awfully prostitutional in this context). Bodybuilding holds little appeal to what I want out of my life and my self-image does not yet require or care for achievements of the "I've run a marathon" / "I've done a triathlon" type. I just want to look better, to achieve the kind of appearance that brings positivity to a room (and that makes hooking up more mutually enjoyable, at least so far as feeling I'm contributing to the overall sexiness).

However, vanity is still fairly low on the totem pole of my priorities and does not take precedence over such things as reading and enjoying cake. I will add fitness to my life, but I will not live a life of fitness. I will enjoy chocolate, cake, rice pudding, ice-cream, carb-laden foods, and more. Flavours and tastes, both savory and sweet, are (to me) part of the point of being a living, sensing being. To discard them without due cause is to waste part of what life offers us.

This doesn't mean that all calories are equal in this matter. Part of my recent thoughts on the matter include the idea that "I won't count my calories; I will make my calories count!" Not all sugary treats are worth the indulgence (depending on an individual's tastes and preferences) and eating sweets is not an end in itself; the end is to enjoy life's offerings.

I think I'll wrap this up on that note. I initially intended to write about my current efforts at adding fitness in my life, my encounters with my addiction to convenience and how it conflicts with much available fitness material, and how to just get on with exercising. That will have to wait until the next entry.

Self-judgment

Part of the problem of establishing and maintaining a regular blog is having something one feels is worth writing about. If you don't feel it on your own, it can be difficult coming up with something. It's a mental block; creativity blocked by an lacking sense of worthwhileness. You stare at the blank body of would-be text and judge yourself or your ideas to be inadequate, unworthy of the attentions of others; you pre-judge others, preempting their input on what they will and will not find worthy of their time.

My current "let me blog before I go to bed" tendency is a passive way of ending my interest to blog before I've started. I'll have to fix this.

Thoughts on maturity

Twelves years ago, during a Social studies class, my (substitute) teacher said something that astonished me. The teacher, a grown woman in either her late thirties or forties, claimed that it was not possible to assassinate King Harald of Norway. She claimed this with sincerity and conviction, to my utter astonishment. It was no simple lie or trick to provoke critical thought; she seriously believed that no one would be able to kill the Norwegian head of state.

Rarely can I recall a moment where I have had any residual respect for an authority figure evaporate that quickly. At once, I asked myself, "What the Hell is she doing as a Social studies teacher?", followed up by disbelief that the person before me was the adult her age would suggest. Previously, her demeanor, arrogance, and apparent lack of intellectual breadth had reduced my recognition of her, but this singular moment was a catalyst, a wake-up call to the possibility of a lacking correlation between age and wisdom/maturity/recognition of reality in some humans. It is to me the most memorable moment of my ungdomsskole (junior high/middle school) years.

A specific lesson from this is that there is a point or should be a point in life where you shed yourself of such childish notions that any singular person is immune to the (possibly arbitrary) homicidal or otherwise violent inclinations of others.

A more general lesson from this is to be aware and wary that otherwise seemingly adult persons may cling to childish or immature notions, notions that compromise their ability to deal with and respond to our shared (material) reality. There is a reality we take part in, a reality that neither respects nor cares about whatever dogma we may be tempted to ascribe onto it (whether religious, political, or philosophical). Maturity is the measurement of well we deal and engage with our shared reality.