From consumer to producer

One of my underlying (yet unfulfilled) desires is to move away from being simply a consumer to being a producer. I want to produce, whether writing or art, something that has value for others. I want to make something that has worthiness outside of me.

Yet...laziness and passivity and consumption beckon me. Even in just stepping out of the house, I feel the pull of the couch and computer. To produce, to be active, I must work against this part of myself. I must work in spite of myself.

Slob is me

I've been a real slob this last week and a half, leaving the kitchen perpetually messy (every bit of cleaning is made up for with more dirtied dishes, pots, and pans). I need to put on some Aqua and just get on with it. Being unable to use the sink properly because it's filled with stuff to be cleaned is simply stupid.

Steam of consciousness versus deliberative writing

Part of what makes this stream-of-consciousness blogging easier than more deliberative, purposeful posts is that the former is quick and demands little editing while the latter carries an expectation of review, cohesivenss, and coherency. I just write down the phrases that come to mind with only immediate revision. This sloppiness shows through my blogging posts this past month.

My goal is to breach once more into deliberative writing, writing with purpose and intent. I have been out of practice for several years now and I need to take more control over myself and over what I make time for in my life (these I largely make time for passivity, either absorbing inconsequential information online or playing video games for hours on end). One challenge I face in this is my reliance on routines and habits, both of which are easily disturbed by seemingly irrelevant changes in my environment (such as my parents visiting). I derail when up against only a little resistance and then spend too much time berating my derailment instead of getting back on track in some form. Being overly sensitive is a nuisance, and one that leads to ongoing frustration.

As for what I want to write about: I'd like to review and reflect on books I read, games I play, and movies I see. I'd like to comment on current events with reference to substantial sources of information. I want to express opinions with more than "I think that." I want to hone my writing and editing skills again and write for, at least partly, the purpose of creating something, something worth reading.

This experiment of blogging one post each day for the month of March has come along well enough. I have not yet missed any days, though the length and quality of the posts have varied significantly. For my future purposes, however, I may need to cut down on regularity in favor of improved quality. I'll see how I progress.

Sleep

I really need to write some posts earlier than my daily bedtime.

Only two more episodes of BSG left

My brother and I now only have two episodes of Battlestar Galactica left before we're finished with the re-imagined series. It's an enjoyable series with some noteworthy moments (SPOILER ALERT: Roslin's ultimate stance against the Zarek-Gaeta coup is a television gem; it made me wish they actually fought with the two ships for a bit, prior to Gaeta's tacit surrender). It's also a pleasant series in that it gets a proper ending (I read the wiki on it some years ago).

We're still aiming for Andromeda after BSG, though I'm also hankering for something that isn't science fiction. I can't think of any other suggestions at the moment. I'll look into the suggestions I got when I posted on Facebook after finishing Legend of the Seeker.

Age of Empires III preliminary

Why do real-time strategy developers remove features? One of my frustrations with Microsoft's Age of Empires III is that it lacks features I have gotten used to in other RTS game, specifically the unit orders to patrol, to defend (a unit or structure), and to move until a target for atttack is seen. These are seemingly simply orders for a game to have and provide a hint of tactics, yet AoE:III only has a move/attack order (if clicked on the ground, the unit moves; if clicked on a target, the unit attacks). This lack adds unpleasant stress as I have to continually move different groups of units with each other (I separate some units from others due to their long ranges as I don't want them to move up to close range with grouped close-range units).

Another feature I miss is the ability to steal/"convert" enemy units and buildings, a feature that hails back to the first Age of Empires. It's a fun ability as it opens for more variation in my building styles and units, so I don't understand why they removed it. They also neutered the ability to control game speed as the speed is set prior to starting a game, can't be changed during a game, and can't be changed at all for the single-player campaign.

The home city feature is fun and adds some customizability to the game, including the unnecessary, but slightly enjoyable decoration customization. As a whole, though, the game gives me pangs of missing Star Craft II.

A reminder to myself

Do not stay up playing computer games until four in the morning. It screws up your daily rhythm and disorients you by having you wake up after noon. It is unnecessary and detrimental.

Favorite function on new phone

I received a new cell phone from a couple of friends for my birthday last week. They felt I could use an upgrade as I've been using an old Nokia from 2001-2003.

While the phone has many functions that may be useful, I have one favorite: a separate button for the key lock. It's delightfully convenient to just press it whenever I want to lock the keypad and touch screen. I also enjoy how the keylock interacts with other functions, where it "saves" the current function so that it can be easily retrieved when I unlock the phone. This has proven very handy with regards to the camera, allowing me to quickly jump into photo-taking action whenever I want it.

Convenience is an enjoyable value.

Loosening one's reins

Do you allow ever yourself to loosen the reins you have on yourself and your surroundings?

While the eventual clean-up is a dampener, I regularly find myself putting some slack into my reins and allowing myself to "vege" out. I usually do it after a period of time where I have kept the reins tight and stressed, such as the preparations for and execution of a dinner party. I let myself go, taking little responsibility for the aftermath until I have been successfully lazy.

Another form of "vege"ing I do is the more continual disengagement from a room. I believe in having one room in one's house where it is permissible to let the room be messy in the long term. This room is a safety valve where the mental pressure of expectations and duty are steamed away in favor of contentment and enjoyment.

Lands of Lore 3's plot's weak point

While there is plenty to criticize in the game Lands of Lore 3, one of the plot's weakest points is the villain.

In the first LoL, the player is up against Scotia, a powerful, bitter witch who used to be your king's lover. in the second LoL, the player is up against Be'lial, an incarnated god who threatens the world with his inter-dimensional army and the use of ancient magics. Then, in the third LoL, the player is up against...the disgruntled butler of a side-character featured the past two games; this spectral butler is angered by his imminent dissolution (his master has decided to depart the world and to rid the world of all he has made) and inadvertently endangers the universe as a result of his hissy fit. As a side-quest, after you're done with the main quest, you also get to kill another nuisance character from the previous two games (who could be considered your king's butler).

Witch, god, butler. One of these does not fit with the others as examples of immediately interesting villains (unless you're looking for something avant garde). It is rarely fun if the butler "did it" in a realistic mystery, and it's a tall order to make the butler "doing it" into epic fantasy. Unfortunately, in the case of LoL, it's an order the writers failed to fulfill.

A new year

Today I begin my twenty-ninth year as a person. If this day was indicative of the year to come, then it will be a year filled with work (some done ahead of time, some done a bit late), play, gatherings with friends, and physical exhaustion. It will also include way more fat and sugar than my fair share.

Yeast problems of the baking kind

I dread recipes that call for yeast. Having the end result of my efforts depend on whether a colony of mushrooms thrives or not irks and worries me. Much like my control freak frustration in relation to other people, I am here irritated that my success is dependent on a factor I can only soothe and persuade, but not control.

However, if I want to become skilled in the kitchen, I will have to put myself out there and depend on this ingredient from time to time.

Luckily, today's yeast-baking project went well and I have made my first fully self-made bread (I've previously helped my grandmother bake bread, with her as the supervisor). It was a little underdone, though with a nice, crisp crust. I'll probably put it in the oven for a little after-baking tomorrow. Even so, it was tasty (and audibly moist) with butter and I have prepared a second dough for baking tomorrow.

Civilization IV (a computer game I love)

I still love Civilization IV. It's a wonderful turn-based strategy game with decent graphics, atmospheric music, and enjoyable gameplay. It has just the right amount of additions and editing to compete with my love for Civilization II.

Founding all of the world's religions (and having control over the income they generate through special buildings) is one of my favorite aspects. Too bad they removed it from Civilization V (which I have not yet tried or bought, partly due to its many negative reviews). Religion/philosophy is an integral part of human civilization, and, while I hadn't thought of it as a game mechanic in Civ's I-III, I have now grown attached to it and wish they had kept it in some form (maybe a hybridization between Civ IV's religion mechanic with Alpha Centauri's faction mechanic, which would have differentiated the religions game-wise and made them even more interesting).

The one major flaw it has, that I can think of at this moment, is the lack of a unit prototype mechanic. Alpha Centauri, another game I love, does a great job of allowing the player to customize units based off the the technology the player has gathered; the customization takes place through a prototype menu where the player can try out different chassis (frames), weapon and armor strengths, movement speeds, and special abilities and see how much each unit will cost to produce. It's similar to the unit customization menu in Master of Orion II, another great strategy game; it's odd and unfortunate that this gameplay mechanic seems to have been forgotten among game developers/producers.

Was it "meta"?

I have read that Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino bombed at the roast of Donald Trump (LA Times' review) and in reading a couple of his jokes, I have to wonder: was it all "meta"?

The joke relating Snoop Dog to Trump is just so ridiculously unfunny (not in the way of cultural-historical sensitivity, but in that the claimed connection doesn't make a lick of sense), so awful that I could do little but laugh at the idea that someone wrote it and thought that it was funny. Which brought the idea to my mind: is that bit, the laughter at the expense of the joke-writer, the real joke? Is this a kind Andy Kauffman, brought to stage via our resident medium, The Situation? Brilliance through put-upon stupidity?

...while this probably isn't the case, I'd like to think it is, if only because it makes the world a slightly better place (something our world could desperately use right about now).

PS: Could this have been some kind of hazing or cruelty toward him on the part of the writers (assuming he used a writer and didn't write them himself)?

PPS: I will golf-clap that he went through the material he had and stood by and through his humiliation. I imagine that in his "damned, I'm naked in front of all of these people!" nightmares, he has the cajones to not panic and instead just enjoy his self-exhibition.

An organized house is a pleasant house

I love organized houses and apartments. It may stem from whereever my sexuality stems (hey, I'm fulfilling a gay stereotype here) or it could stem from my need for control. Either way, I love living spaces that show thought and deliberate composition.

Interior decoration is an artform, where the decorator invokes and provokes responses through space, colors, and shapes (and smells, in some cases). It can be used in any number of ways to establish any number of feelings, from exhiliration, to kitsch, to revulsion. Granted, just living in a space and organizing furniture doesn't need to intend to trigger any kind of reaction; the tenant could just want things in a certain organization that he or she enjoys, without regard for others or what the room says about him or her. However, for many (including myself) there is value in setting up the room, coloring the room, placing the furniture, and editing over time. While I don't go so far as to adhere to any particular set of principles (such as Feng Shui), I do believe in some basic guidelines and prefer some over others.

One major guideline I believe is to continually edit a room and be willing to put stuff (pictures, glasses, vases, and more) in storage. If you have a lot of objects, then you probably use only some of them and retain the rest where it are out of habit, "just in case" you'll ever use them, or because you don't feel like packing it away. When I recently packed away several boxes of glasses from the family glass cabinet (which was overflowing with different sets, collectibles, and more), I began with glasses I could not recall had ever been used in twenty-odd years I remember living here; there was no good reason for them to take up space in the cabinet, which already had too many glasses we semi-regularly use when we host parties. I also packed away eleven boxes of books from the upper living-room, while still leaving all of the useful reference books. Just removing all of this over-abundance led to a fantastic result, with organized shelves, deliberately placed rather than bundled together knicknacks, and a glass cabinet that does not scream out with visual noise. Now the only glasses receiving attention are glasses specifically made for attention (these are glasses made by a local artist and family friend, Ingelil Mitchell).

Part of it is that, while we must allow ourselves to share our identity through our homes, we don't need to put it all out at once if we have a lot of stuff. There is a point where we go from establishing our identity to crowding out anyone else who enters; instead of being able to come in and see us, they are overwhelmed by the noise we put before them. It is by "slimming down" our array of immediately visible objects that we allow those objects to be truly seen and appreciated on their own. When they are all grouped together, they become a uniform visual mass which requires careful inspection for differentiation between the objects it contains.

The one who fought back

Earlier today (or yesterday) a kid named Casey was bullied (verbally abused and physically hit) by a kid named Richard. Casey snapped, slammed Richard to the ground, and then left the scene. Richard was certainly physically hurt (the Internet rumor mill says he either dislocated a shoulder or a knee); maybe he's learned the danger of being part of the shithead group of bullies. [post-script addition: Ideally, he'll learn "do no harm to others and no harm should be done to you; do harm to others and you put them in the right when they lay their hands on you"]

Casey could have done many worse things, including harming himself, venting himself on bystanders, or even killing somone. Casey stood up for himself without killing or permanently injuring anyone. Good for Casey.

The Facebook group in support of "Casey - The kid who had enough of being bullied"

Hellevik (2002) - Chapter two

Control questions:
Choose an empirical question and draft how you might want to research it.
Research question: "Were the demonstrations in Egypt that led to the end of Hosni Mubarak's regime inspired primarily by the desire for democratization and civil liberties?"

To research this question, I'd first have to consider one of the major alternate hypotheses for the uprising, that the demonstrations were largely a response to the lopsided and struggling Egyptian economy with a large section of unemployed youth. Because this hypothesis carries significant weight as a counterpoint to the idea that the demonstrations were inspired by concerns of civil liberties, I would almost have to include questions relating to it as research control questions.

I might want to take statistical surveys of the Egyptian (particular Cairo's) population to get an overview over how many (report that they) took part in the demonstration and then check the answers of that subsection on questions of primary, secondary, and tertiary concerns, employment, education, age, socio-economic status, and political ideology (which would have to be split up in questions regarding opinions on democratic and civil rights and their importance). I might also want to study the demonstrators' leadership, either through interviews or document analysis of speeches given during the demonstration, as well as research on the backgrounds of the leadership figures as their motivations could be different than the demonstrations at large.

I would need theory regarding mass movements, particularly movements against the reigning authorities. This would be a case study, and I would have to look at other case studies on similar movements, both ones where civil liberties were at the forefront and ones where economics were the main concern (and cases where the distinction is up for debate). My immediate idea is to look to economic examples in South America, where a number of countries maintained dictatorships until they failed their populations economically, and for civil liberty examples in European post-Soviet states. Which cases does the Egyptian case bear most similarities to?

What main phases can a research project be divided into?
A research project can be divided into three broad phases and eight specific phases.
The first broad phase is the Design phase. During this phase, the researcher comes up with or explores the potential research question (spec. phase 1/8) and determines the scope of the project with regards to units and details (spec. phase 2/8).

The second broad phase is the Implementation phase. During this phase, the researcher chooses what data to seek out (spec. phase 3/8) in accordance to the scope of the project, gathers the data (spec. phase 4/8), treats the data (spec. phase 5/8), analyzes the data for patterns (spec. phase 6/8).

The third broad phase is the Reflection phase. During this phase, the researcher interprets the results (spec. phase 7/8) of the analysis and then discusses how this interpretation is a substantial interpretation with a basis in pre-existing theory and research, as well as what this interpretation implies for future studies on the specific subject and and related subjects (spec. phase 8/8).

Can you find examples of choices made in one phase that limits the available options later in a research project?
The choice of data, followed by the gathering of data, will limit the researcher's possibilities down the line. If the researcher later comes up with other variables or additional research units that would add to the quality of the project, it may not be feasible to re-gather the newly interesting data; even if it is feasible, the new data may not be comparable with the data that's been previously gathered (or would otherwise have to be addressed, even if the old data is scrapped in favor of the new data).

Vocabulary
Phases in the research process - in the research process there are three main/broader phases, which consist of eight smaller phases; I have listed and briefly described them above

Research question - the question a researcher wants to answer based off of empirical data, preferably leading to a substantial conclusion

Research design - generally: the overall plan for the research project, beginning with whether it will rely on quantitative or qualitative data, whether it aims to be explorative, descriptive, or explanatory, and an outline of the first phases of the research process; specifically: the scope of the research project

Choice of data - what kind of empirical data will the research project use and what units and variables are applicable/desirable for answering the research question

Collection of data - how the data will be gathered, what if the methods for gathering the data affects the data

Treatment of data - how the data will be coded and used and whether some data will be modified from its original form (such as merging specific categories into general categories)

Analysis - how the data patterns will be read

Interpretation - how the observed data patterns will be understood and what theoretic and substantial basis does the researcher have for that/those understanding(s)

Reporting - how the interpretation will be presented, how it affects the field of related research, and what opportunities it presents for further and future research

Project plan - the concrete plan for each phase of the research project

Roleplaying preparations (Exalted)

In addition to preparing myself for (what I hope will be) my school attendance this Autumn, I'm also preparing myself for the possibility of trying out a roleplaying system I have not yet played.

White Wolf's Exalted roleplaying game is an animé-, Far East mythology-, and wuxia-inspired rules-system where player characters start off and remain powerful figures compared to the vast majority of mortals. The basics of the system itself and the feel of it are similar to White Wolf's World of Darkness system, where players generally also play characters (vampires, werewolves, and other supernatural creatures) that are significantly more powerful than the people around them. However, the atmosphere of Exalted is much brighter than the WoD systems and is more heroically inclined (though with classical heroic tragic flaws).

Because I haven't played it before and don't have anyone in my immediate area who has played it (I have some friends who meet at the university who have played it, but I haven't met with them in months), I am trying to really learn the ruleset on my own. To do so, I am using a technique similar to the one I'm using for my academic studies; in effect, I am studying Exalted as a game and setting. The "technique" is pretty much detailed reading combined with outlining/note-taking.

It's actually a nice change-of-pace from the more casual and incidental reading I usually do when checking out roleplaying rules and materials. I am making sure I pick up the details of the game's structure, which will be useful should I ever play it as a player or run it as a "Storyteller" (White Wolf's designation for the game referee). It will also help me in teaching others how to play it should that become a possibility.

I don't know whether I will have use for it, other than as an exercise (one that's more pleasurable than studying and note-taking on research methodologies). Even so, it's a habit I enjoy trying out.

More comments on Battlestar Galactica

Some comments I've made on Facebook regarding Battlestar Galactica, a continuation on what I said in the previous post (When TV shows go bad):

One of the plot twists that really bothers me is how Nualla suddenly falls in love with Apollo, pretty much cheats on and dumps Billy the Cutie, and then gets over Billy's death-by-shot-to-arm-and-shoulder and hooks up with survived-a-gunshot-through-my-left-lung Apollo within a month. She goes from adorable sweetheart to "You bitch!" in a handful of episodes.

To me the difference was, at least in terms of the callgirl episode, too striking. It made me think that a space noir series would be cool (along the lines of the Tex Murphy game series; oh, how I love Under a Killing Moon), but also that it really didn't fit with what had already been established in the series. It made the fleet feel more like a gritty city and the President feel like the Mayor (with Admiral Adama as the Chief of Police/Commissioner) rather than the last hope of humanity.

I think I would have enjoyed the branching into space noir more if they introduced a new character or highlighted a regular extra as the detective. Giving Apollo that role felt awkward. If it had been someone new, it would have introduced a new archetype into the series that could be called on in future episodes (an inquisitor or independent investigator).

I would have preferred the Scar side-story if Scar's legend had built itself in front of the viewers over a couple or a few episodes. His sudden legend felt shoehorned into Kara's character-development episode.

When TV shows go bad

What do you do when a TV show you're enjoying takes a turn for the worse? Do you stick with it to bitter end? Give it a shot till the end of the season? Half-assedly watch it while checking out other programming? Check out the story development/reviews before investing more time? Dump it?

I have dumped a few shows that I've invested myself into. I quit Lost shortly after the second season convinced me that the writers had no plan for the show and were just bullsh*tting as they went along. I refused to watch any more Dexter after its terrible first few episodes of the fifth season due to the de facto retconning of the series. I gave up Avatar: The Last Airbender after a handful of episodes (I'm considering checking out a few more, if just to see if there are any ideas worth salvaging from it for my creative side). I wouldn't have followed along with Heroes after the first episode if I hadn't received the first two seasons on DVD (unlike many others, I thought the show was a mess beginning with its very first episode).

Part of the difficulty with TV shows is that they seem to be usually intended to last for as long as they remain more worthwhile for their producers than the expected returns of another show. The show's makers also face a potential conflict-of-interest between a possible desire to write a well-written show, the desire for a return on their production and an income for themselves and everyone involved, and the demands of the show's producers and distributors (as well as standard practices regarding season lengths, episode lengths, and appealing to casual viewers).

These days, my brother and I are watching the re-imagined Battlestar Galactica [SPOILER ALERT}. We're on the second season and just finished up an arc of bad episodes, beginning with the out-of-the-blue attempt at space noir with "Detective" Adama, followed by Starbuck's oh-I-really-do-love-that-possibly-dead-guy crisis (these two episodes are also marred by flashback narratives), then the atrocious Billy-must-die-so-Nualla-and-Apollo-can-hook-up episode, and concluded with the incompetent-new-commander-must-make-grave-mistake-then-die-in-self-sacrifice-rather-than-face-court-martial episode. They were just wretched and none of them have a lasting emotional impact other than the urgent desire to wash them from memory. They also reek of filler material, prompting my brother to wonder whether they're result of the lengthened season (Season One consists of thirteen episodes while Season Two consists of twenty episodes).

We will still watch, at least through Season Two. We'll probably continue with the rest, assuming that this Arc of Awfulness is an exception rather than a new rule for the BSG series.